Reading my old blog posts makes me feel nostalgic. I made a matcha latte with coconut milk from Kyoto Uji and memories of my Kyoto trip came back.
Used this matcha with alpro coconuts milk. no sugar needed!
November 2012 was when I travelled to Kyoto and it's so different from now. A big and sad point is overtourism. By 2023, it is expected to be around 75 million visitors.
When I visited Arashiyama, it was nearly deserted around midday.
It felt relaxing walking around the bamboo forest with just a few other people around. Of course there were some tourists at the former capital of Japan. I've looked through my old photos and saw some tourists, mainly japanese ones.
Geishas are often harassed, and historic neighbourhoods like Gion are losing their original character because they are increasingly geared towards tourism. Many locals complain that their city feels more like an amusement park than a place for everyday life. There are also more and more news about foreigners defacing shrines, bamboos etc.
I was lucky to be able to see Kyoto before it was getting over runned. Do I want to go back? I don't think so. A location with fewer tourists but similar to Kyoto is what I aim for.
When I first came to Japan, everything was new, exciting and different. I was fascinated by the culture, the food, the language - simply everything. But over time, my enthusiasm has changed. I've got used to a lot of things, and some of the things that used to excite me I now see with different eyes.
1. the housing situation in Tokyo - expensive, small, uncomfortable
Tokyo is a huge metropolis, but when it comes to housing, it feels more like a cramped box. The flats are tiny, expensive and often poorly insulated - you freeze in winter and sweat in summer. You pay huge sums for a small room in which you barely have any space for yourself. That lost its appeal for me at some point.
2. I love nature - Tokyo is too crowded and hectic for me
I used to find the colourful, vibrant life in Tokyo exciting. Today I realise that I much prefer being in nature. The crowds, the constant noise and the sensory overload stress me out. I miss big, green forests, quiet lakes and the feeling of simply being able to take a deep breath.
3. superficial friendships and loneliness
It's not easy to make deep friendships in Japan. Many contacts remain superficial, and real emotional closeness is rare. You meet up and share some laughs, but often the feeling remains that there isn't really a close connection. This can be quite lonely, especially if you don't have a close circle of friends.
Conclusion - Japan is no longer my dream country
Japan still has beautiful aspects, and I will always enjoy returning, but that ‘wow’ feeling from back then is no longer there. I have realised that my priorities have changed: I need more nature, more space and deeper relationships. And that's exactly what I'm more likely to find elsewhere than in Tokyo.
バンギャ バンドギャル = Bandgirl This term refers to an enthusiastic female fan of a visual kei band.
If you want to read more about bangya culture, I can recommend this article .
My first experiences were about 20 years ago 👵. Thanks to Animexx I somehow got in contact with visual kei music and my first band, Malice Mizer. I still love them, and they will be my favourites forever.
I started to colour my black, or violet and once they were blue black 🤡and went to my local visual kei fanmeetings. It was popular in the 00s, just like Kpop now, and some bands had overseas concert.
My first concert was Dir en Grey at Rock im Park 2005. I don't have the photos anymore but found some on the net.
Next year I saw them too, and there are still videos on youtube,
Good old times. I also went to a D'espairs ray concert in Munich.
Of course there were lots of drama with the fans and I forgot almost everything and I started to distance myself from the scene and music because I was exhausted.
Back in 2011, it was my third time in Japan, a bandman contacted me through ameba pigg and we met a few times. He liked to boast that he is besties with Kamijo (ex Lareine, Versailles). A few years earlier, I would have been excited. He told me not to write about him on forums and not to take any photos and that Japanese fans ( Bangya) are scary 💀.
Some years later, I went out for drinks with my female friends at a Japanese bar when some former and active band members approached us. My two friends, who are bangya (though not too extreme), were pretty excited about it. One was a singer of a really popular band who played lives at budokan and tokyo dome. They also said we shouldn't spread the word that we met. Since I don't mention their names it's ok I think 👀.
Plus a few years, Corona happened and cupid's arrow hit me. There were still measures but destiny brought my man to me and I saw him at a concert in Europe. It was organised by bangyas, not professionals, and it was pure chaos. I went with my former good friend who, of course, was a die hard bangya.
One of the organizers boasted with how all the bandmember love her and that XY and XX hug her all the time and she has to make a sandwich for XY because he is so hungry.
When my man and I could finally have some private moments, the organizer came to disturb us.
Following months, I was able to fly to Japan and I went to one of his concerts. Infront of the live house was a waiting line and I kinda felt uncomfortable seeing the fans 💀 Kinda rude of me. I've met my japanese friend, and although she is in the scene, she is a good friend. Friend talked to one of my man's number 1 fan and of course she ignored me. There were also rumors on tanuki that I'm his tsunagari (Someone who has a personal connection to the band),
Back in my country again, those organizer bangyas planned another life with another band and my former friend wanted to go and I agreed. The information, the promotion and the lack of English were so confusing that I contacted them to clarify what was going on. Soon after, she told me her life story and how miserable she is. I fell into her trap and pitied her, offered my help with doing texts.
She asked me to translate at the concert, which made my former friend jealous because she also wanted to do it and be seen as someone important who is close to band members. So what did she do? She befriended the organizer bangya to get involved as well. One day, the organizer accidentally sent her all her login details, and my ex-friend took the opportunity to log in.
At the concert when I tried to talk to organizer bangyas favourite she always tried to disturb me and wanted all his attention. We got called backstage (what she didn't really like) to help with something. The singer of the band gifted me 10 chekis (worth 10000 yen) and organizer bangya made big eyes lol. Have to mention that I talked with him before a few times. She became jealous and hugged him infront of our eyes like "look, I'm hugging him!". There were more incidents like this, but if I list everything, it will get pretty long.
Now she is telling random people that her favourite is her boyfriend, which he declined lol.
Lyrica Kakeru jr cheki
The following year, they brought my man's band and once again it was chaos. A friend of organizer bangya wanted to go backstage because she can give massages, lol. She also told her the hotel where the band stayed and where they were when they had a day off.
Fans who went to the concert said it was very unprofessional. The organizer bangyas introduced them their self way too long and sung happy birthday to a bandmember whos birthday was 3 weeks ago. Seems like they wanted to get some sympathy points. My former friend is a violin beginner and wanted to show off and played happy birthday but it sounded awful and everybody was confused why she did that.
It was obvious that she had histrionic personality disorder. It may sound harsh, but I don't think a normal person could handle it. Eventually, my own mental health started to decline, so I cut all ties. On top of that, my former friend also started acting out, so I had to say goodbye to her as well.
There are more foreign bangyas who are like them. Trying to be important by bringing bands, loosing money just to get close to them.
The japanese like to gossip on tanuki and spread lied, ignore you on concerts and some won't let you be in the front 🤡
Some will listen to your conversation when you take a 2shot with a bandguy or buy a lot of tickets to get good entry numbers.
I'm exhausted by that culture.
Wonder if some of my readers got similar experiences?
This blogpost will be about SP and how I accidentally manifested one.
SP stands for Specific Person. I thought it meant special person at first 😁
Could be your ex-boyfriend
Or a co-worker?
It's the person you want to manifest, or even someone who you didn't meet yet.
So how did I manifest my SP I didn't meet yet?
My actual goal was to reality shift to meet this lonely guy and give him some love😗
I've started with scripting and doing my character for my DR (desired reality). I would read it before sleeping, but it didn't work. Not only that, but I've also tried YouTube meditations and the best one in my opinion is that one. I can't visualize, but I got some hypnagogia staff going on. I saw only lineart trees and forests, lol. Once I felt that someone was holding or touching my shoulder. Super creepy.
I've tried this all summer. When I was taking a walk with my dog, I imagined that he was with me.
Without any results I forgot about it..till autumn. Was it two months later or one month 👀? The bridge of incidents started to unfold. That's how it happened.
Due to this dark atmosphere, I wanted to listen to music which suits the anime. I loved the band Malice Mizer in my youth so that's what I listened to.
Wanted to know what bands are trendy now and joined a discord server
Someone posted a music video where the singer looked like Alucard. That got me interested, but wasn't into the music at first.
Joined the singer's twitcast for fun, and I liked his character, and it was amusing to communicate with him
the Band had an online autograph session (like a video chat) and I had the urge to join. I remind you that normally I wouldn't do something like that. I'm not the fangirl type
Singer got a crush on me
Wasn't interested in him first but started to catch some feelings
Did you manifest a SP? Did you notice the bridge of incidents?
My blog is 14 years now 💦 I've neglected it but I always come back to read old posts and get those nostalgic feelings. Not only my writing, but from all the people I'm still following. A lot of people deleted their blog or stopped writing, just like me. I've heard it's gaining popularity again 👀I hope it's true because it's so much better than social media.
There are not only nostalgic feelings, but also embarrassing ones. Seems like older me got anxious attachment and my only goal in life was to fill my loneliness with a boyfriend. As long as he was my type and was interested in me, I got limerence which I mistook for love.
Seeing my posts from 2012 with my ex-boyfriend made me feel really happy. It was almost a good relationship. But everything happened too fast, and just as quickly as it began, it ended.
I'm still travelling to Japan every year, but it lost it spark. 2019 was also see year it opened my eyes. I was in a not healthy relationship and it ended soon. Then Corona happened. If I ever wanted a good, healthy and loving relationship, I had to change myself.
2019 Ikebukuro
I've started to read the book Attached and learned about attachments. It took me 1 year and now I get this result when I do the quiz.
I felt at peace being alone, and I was happy with myself. Guess the 30s will be my happy spiritual awakening decade. Soon I engulfed in lots of hobbies. Drawing, photography, felting, piano, knitting and now sewing.
Spring 2021, I got a little bit too much engrossed in the anime Castlevania. The reason was him 😝
A video on youtube popped up about reality shifting and I wanted to try it because, you know, it would be funny to hang out in the Castlevania world. Tried all the methods for 3 or 4 months till I was giving up, and it didn't work. But soon after, a miracle happened!
I got to know a guy who looked just like him, and even his personality was similar. I will write more about this next time. Not only that, but I think I manifested him without knowing.
I wasn't interested in him at first, but soon he fell in love with me. I felt that he was the right one.
More about this in another blogpost
P.S. I'm writing this from a new account. This is the new me :)!
Since 18th I'm back in the country.
First i stayed in a hotel and now I'm at a friends house. It's 1 LDK and very modern. It feels like home. I hope i can stay there longer. It's in nishi shinjuku- I don't like tokyo metro but can't be helped.
Also my friend never used the kitchen lol. Hope I can use the kitchen for the first time and cook something for us :D. I want to buy frying pan, a pot and plates lol- There is really nothing in the kitchen.
also i`ve met my friend after more than a year. we went to ueno abab for shopping. also had a nice lunch. took purikura with a machine from 2012. the new machines are awful. i wanna have the old ones back。
aaand i fell in love with a mars shirt... it looks the same like datura but mars is cheaper lol.
and today im gonna move to an apartment. meet my old friend ayachan and maybe another friend. cheers
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
I always have a feeling when I go back to Japan, something really good is going to happen. Maybe love?
